Fear of Fire…
flies. That’s right. I am in fear of a bug (we always did call them lightning bugs growing up). More specifically, the bugs of the JulyDTC Yahoo Group, who opted for the moniker “Fireflies” in a group vote before I joined the board. I DID get to vote for the accompanying logo, out of a field of 20 or so options.
I voted for the only one I could find without:
(1) a red thread pictured;
(2) a weird caricature of a Chinese girl that looked awfully doll-like (there were several different variations of this);
(3) pastel colors.
I ended up voting for a logo of a firefly carrying a baby bundle like the stork, flying over the Great Wall. It was the only one that fit the above criteria. I also sort of liked a logo that had the fireflies caught inside the glass jar because it reminded me of catching lightning bugs as a kid back on the East Coast (there are no fireflies/lightning bugs in Arizona–at least, none that I’ve ever seen…yet another irony that the group name carries for me). But then I decided that the imagery of containment…of catching the bugs and keeping them pent up for my own enjoyment…was probably not the iconography I wanted to associate with my adoption. So, I chose the firefly-stork. I lost.
The winning logo was a pastel-colored image of a doll-like Chinese girl interacting with pink fireflies under the branches of a pink cherry tree. In fact, the blooming cherry tree dominates the whole logo, so I’m not really sure why the group isn’t calling itself The Cherry Blossoms or The Pink Buds or Bugs and Blossoms. Whatever. At least it cleared up the issue of whether I’m buying any merchandise.
I’ve posted before here with my reservations about the whole redthread-ladybug-chinadoll syndrome that seems to infect so much of the Chinese adoption world. I feel myself wanting to run away quickly from this whole scene. The problem is that I’m also very excited to be adopting, very excited to become a mother, and a family, after many years of not being able to do that. So, it’s hard. I’m skeptical by nature, no one would accuse me of being touchy-feely, but little pink dresses have had the recent effect of sending me over the edge into pure swoon. As they should. (And, a confession: when we were in Mexico in May, I even bought two little handmade dresses with ladybugs embroidered on them…I figured that all that cross-cultural groove would make up for the fact that I had caved into the ladybug hype.)
So, while it wasn’t without trepidation, it was with some sense of eagerness that I joined my month’s DTC group, thinking I could finally participate in this waiting a-parent thing and not just watch from the sidelines. But I just don’t think I can survive in this group’s world.
First, there was the issue of the group members who are planning to name their daughter “Chynna.” Good grief. I’m not usually one to react to name choices; I’m pretty much a live-and-let-live kind of girl. But there was a bit of a brouhaha on the board (and on this member’s blog) about the name. And, I have to admit, I think it’s a particularly racialized name choice in this context. Rightly or wrongly, it makes me think that these future parents are fetishizing a wee bit here. Or, am I overreacting? I always thought Chynna Phillips was a cool name, but she was the white daughter of white parents. Not so in this case.
Second, the religious fervor on the board has erupted. I don’t even need to characterize of what persuasion it issueth from, but I will–because I am so tired of hearing “I’m a Christian…” as a justification for thrusting their belief system onto the community. As if this is the only way that a Christian acts or can act. Or, following this out to its logical extreme, if you don’t act this way, you’re not a Christian. I mean, why can’t they just say, “I’m a Christian fundamentalist…” and then we’d all just nod and go on about our lives.
And then there was this email message:
Do not ever be sorry for asking for prayer! It is the most powerful tool we have and remember God can and will do all things! I am a Christian and I will never hide from that! I also know that my country USA was founded on those principles to worship God, that is why they left England and settled here. Its is our history. God will bless you for asking other to pray! There is no offense in that only victory! In His Name!
So, WTF? Her “country USA was founded on those principles”–the principles of assuming everyone prays the same way, to the same God? I don’t think so. I thought the historical principles that this country was founded on when it came to religion were tolerance and separation of church and state. Period. Not the imposition of religious values and the claim to religious “victory,” but the assurance of religious freedom.
Oh, bother. It’s all a question of missing your audience anyway. I’m just in a huff because I had to read this comment on the RQ board today:
I first and foremost want another child, but I actually do buy in to the idea that we will be potentially “saving a child” as well. Our daughter will be brought up in a Christian home, which she may not have otherwise had if she is adopted by “the next family in line.” We will have the opportunity to help save a soul.
I really do sometimes wonder how people ever made it through a homestudy.
But then I remember what R. (who has grown kids from his first marriage) says about going to Parent-Teacher Night at your kids’ schools: you realize at some point during the evening that the only thing you have in common with the other parents sitting around you is the fact that you’re all parents.
Luckily, I did not yet “introduce” myself to the Fireflies group. I was waiting to see when my LID is, to see if I was going to jump ship to the August group, in hopes that there might be more sanity there. And, there did seem to be a couple of sane, fun people in the July group: atomic mama is there, for instance.
But I don’t think I am anymore.
Okay, I gotta get off the computer because I’ve been on it too much today.
But I wanted to say that I love this post. When I saw the Chynna stuff a few weeks backon the July DTC list, I couldn’t believe it. It sounds like a porn star or a pro wrestler’s name to me.
I also couldn’t believe the person who said that she made hair bows for the “cute little bald China angels” (put vomiting sound here).
I also saw that RQ post about saving souls today. I know that people get caricatured for saying things like that, but to actually hear it first hand–wow.
I did see a funny comment on RQ (I forget where, though). Someone said that if the red thread is invisible, how do you know that it is red? LOL. I may have to put that somewhere on my blog.
I’ll get the heathen group address for you soon. Maybe we should also start a July/August 2006 group for ourselves.
Comment by: zgirl - 08.05.2006 - 7.18 pm
SBird, I love you. I could not have said it better.
Whether or not I am sane, however…
Comment by: atomic mama - 08.05.2006 - 7.25 pm
zgirl…LOL about the porn star/pro wrestler quality to the name “Chynna.” I read the comment about the invisible thread too–it would make a great alternative T-shirt. I might have to visit CafePress and see if I can start a trend.
atomic mama…you are so BRAVE. Really. I admired your post about the quilt squares, doing it for your daughter’s future sense of belonging…I was really swayed. So, now I have to figure out how to do a “modified” quilt exchange, without depending on the DTC group. Stay tuned.
Comment by: SBird - 08.06.2006 - 6.04 pm
Do you have an email address that you can give me ? If so, send it to my zgirl account. zgirl459@hotmail.com
Comment by: zgirl - 08.06.2006 - 8.53 pm
Dude, your post is way more smokin’ than mine was. Way to tell it like it is, rather than tiptoe around it sarcastically like moi!
After I get going with the quilt thing, I might start a cutesy-free, alternative, retro, bold, etc. square swap on the 100 GWQ Yahoo group, where you design the swap and invite people to swap based on your specific parameters. I’ll see how much interest I drum up - I can’t be alone in my fabric tastes, right? Maybe I’ll limit the choices to Alexander Henry and maybe Michael Miller fabrics. More later.
P.S. I don’t keep a permanent blogroll on my blog, but I wanted to ask you if I could give you a shout out and link to you in a post? If not, I totally understand. Let me know!
Comment by: atomic mama - 08.07.2006 - 10.11 am
zgirl…I emailed you.
atomic mama…link me, link me! And you’re so polite to ask!–I just went ahead and hooked you into my rant, and posted you to my blogroll. *Sigh*
Comment by: SBird - 08.07.2006 - 11.49 am
I rarely visit my DTC group (Feb) and any of the others for these same reasons.
I rec’d the same kind of e-mail on my very 1st post, when I asked about the Buddhist blessing in China (or is that Chynna?). You can only imagine…made me want to gouge my eyes out.
Your ranch is beautiful! I miss AZ, I was born & raised there, just moved to WA 2 yrs ago.
Trying to place the scenery, N of Prescott, maybe? Or down past Tucson.
Have had some run in’s w/scorpions in the shower, myself.
Comment by: Holly - 08.07.2006 - 3.51 pm
Holly…good eyes! We’re near Prescott. I lived in WA for a little bit many years ago–I remember the air feeling like a spritzer. Big change from AZ!
Comment by: SBird - 08.07.2006 - 4.04 pm
Love your post. I’m a huge fan of Atomic Mama’s and had to come check you out. I was stupid and gave my church organist mom my blog address who then in turn passed it around to her bridge club girls at church (I swear I’m not making this up!) so needless to say, my blog is very boring and pretty sweet. But I’d like to come visit you!
Comment by: Jacquie - 08.07.2006 - 4.09 pm
jacquie…OMG, that is so funny about the church bridge club! Maybe you need a parallel universe, alter-ego blog?
Comment by: SBird - 08.07.2006 - 4.23 pm
Yeah, the groups are tricky. I’m a July Dragonfly (thank you, thank you;) and it’s not as bad as the August (China Blossoms) board that am/ was also on. That one was more intolerant in matters of religious freedom.
Oh and that comment from RQ made me really sad. I guess I can say that I will be “saving” my poor heathen from evangelists.
LID 8/24/05
Comment by: Wendy - 08.07.2006 - 5.35 pm
Ahh, the dreaded yahoo groups. I tend to stay away as much as possible.
Checking out your site from the link at atomic mama’s. I’ll definitely be back, only I need to be forewarned of further rattlesnake/rabbit pictures. Dude.
Comment by: Jessi - 08.07.2006 - 9.09 pm
Do what I did, oh…wahh…12 months ago and start your own private, non-searchable, (women only) Yahoo board!
Invite who you want. And, no need for those pesky “Keep Out” or “Private Property” signs!
Comment by: Kimmy - 08.08.2006 - 9.00 pm
So it’s August, and the July DTC board has already experienced a take over. Damn!
Thank *god* for blogs!
Comment by: probably T, maybe P, or maybe Max - 08.09.2006 - 1.33 pm
New plan!
All prospective parents will be asked what they hope to name their child. If the words Chynna or anything that includes “so she wont stand out” are uttered, those parents go back to the beginning of the line and everyone else moves up.
If they mention anything about saving the childs soul, or heathen they are immediatly tossed from the list. They will spend one year learning about different religions and Chinese culture before being allowed to start the process again.
The wait time would disolve.
Comment by: AnotherAmy - 08.09.2006 - 3.41 pm
Right on with this post. We completed our first adoption in 2002 and now are close to the end..er rather the beginning with #2 and I am forever stunned by the overtness of people’s Christian rightwing “ness” and how they think that ties them to Chinese adoption. Huh? I don’t get it. But after subjecting myself (albeit my choice) to my month’s DTC national group for umteenth months now I’ve just about had it with psalm number 10,000 and John 3:whatever. Get over yourself people…go to church until the cows come home knock yourselves out…but my word do we all need to hear the fundamentals? Sorry, I will step now.
Comment by: Perrin - 08.10.2006 - 6.35 pm
I read that comment on RQ and almost threw up.
Isn’t it all interesting. The whole adoption world. it is a freaky deaky place.
No matter what some freak comes out and tells you how you should feel and that your feelings are stupid and the whole religion thing enters in no matter what.
I really didn’t think too much of the red thread and all that jazz in the beginning and am ashamed to admit that I actually have a (hack hack) red thread poster beautifully framed in orange and red for the nursery, maybe I can sell it on a DTC board!
nice to have found ya-Jenny
Comment by: Jenny - 08.14.2006 - 6.50 pm
[…] I find absolutely no reason to cover this ground again. If you don’t know how I feel about this subject, read this post or this one or even this one. […]
Pingback by: The MeMe That Is Going Around… « The Singing Bird - 09.27.2006 - 4.51 pm
[…] And, not only that, but your original DTC group–about which you complained relentlessly in an earlier post–were the July Dragonflies. WTF? […]
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