Comments on: Antidote to All Things Buggy.

by: « The Singing Bird

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 23:46:09 +0000

[…] Antidote to All Things Buggy. […]

by: wzgirl

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 15:28:39 +0000

Wow. You’ve done a great job of putting into words the feelings I’ve had about the bugs, thread & some of those interesting wishes I’ve received via Quilt Swappage. Seriously, who wants to romanticise infertility? But, you nailed it by explaining how doing so is an attempt to make it disappear. I often struggle with balancing my desire to be honest/real with another desire to be “positive”. I am an adult child of AMWAY parents - Power of Positive Thinking is something that pervaded (is that a word?) my youth….LOL.

When I think of the red thread - I do so in reference to my family/friends. Most recently b/c we’ve been reconnecting with them after living in the closet of infertility for too many years.

I really appreciated reading this today.

by: Anne Marie

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 01:49:49 +0000

Yes, Yes. Thank you for this post and the link to Twice the Rice. “Meant to be” and “everything happens for a reason” made me squirm before I even began the adoption process. It frightens most people to think it, but much of what happens in the world is totally random. And then there’s that pesky free will. If you believe everything happens for a reason, what reason could possibly be good enough to explain why a child must lose their birthparents or a parent must lose their child?? And perfect fits? Our children may become (and become is the key word) wonderful fits with our families, but if they do, it’s because they grow up in our families and we all grow together, not because the “right” child magically appeared at our doorstep.

by: Nicole

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 20:10:32 +0000

I really needed to read this today. I appreciate you putting this out there. I was just coming off of one of those weekends where I felt like I was in the twilight zone for feeling and believing differently than those that were trying to sugar coat it. Thank you. Really, thank you.

by: SBird

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 18:05:26 +0000

Christie–

Well, I imagine for anyone who has embraced these mythologies of their adoption, the loss of the mythologies, the exposure of their false pretenses, may be a bit disorienting, a bit sad. But, as I said in my post, for me it is entirely “a sense of outrageous-excitement-about-how -this-is-going-to-change-my-life-forever.” And I “swoon” over size 12-18M clothes–especially pink dresses–just like the next person! I’m just not depending on ladybugs and red-threads to create a false sense of complacency and good-feelings for me about the adoption. I want to face the realities of IA, not erase them. But it’s not a trade-off–facing the hard realities of IA doesn’t mean you lose the excitement! It doesn’t mean you become all sad and gloomy! You get real, you vow to do something about our largely inadequate responses in this country to IA, and you get very, very happy about your new family member.

Thus, your final point is well-taken: I wouldn’t be adopting if I didn’t believe that we should all have the opportunity to grow up in a loving family.

by: Christie

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 04:54:44 +0000

Extremely well written, very poignant. Thought provoking. Can I say a bit sad? While I don’t think my daughter was meant to be with us, I do feel that she was a perfect fit. Just what we all needed. She needed a family since her first one had to give her up. We wanted to parent a child. It was and is a perfect fit. No one should have to grow up without a loving family…no matter how it came about.

“In a perfect world, there would be no orphans.”

by: Johnny

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 23:24:40 +0000

Veddy, veddy nice thoughts. I’ve always felt a bit creeped out at the “bug” and the “thread” way of thinking…maybe because I come from that culture and found it…ummm, naive(?) that suddenly embracing these concepts would somehow make this process easier or better.

Let’s put it another way. I don’t think an orphan, laying in his/her crib, awaiting adoption is thinking of red threads or ladybugs.

by: Dee

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 07:20:32 +0000

Right on. The whole idea that the child we will adopt was “meant” for us is just repulsive to me. Does that mean she wasn’t “meant” to be with her birth family? That in order for her to be with us, something didn’t go terribly wrong for her? It’s arrogant, presumtious, lazy, and disrespectful.

by: atomic mama

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 01:08:19 +0000

Sticky is right. Emetic. And just tragically wrong. Never understood it…

Thanks for putting this out there!

And I love your new print!

by: Jessi

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 00:44:27 +0000

What a great post. I was doing the head nod the whole way through.

Like Carrie, I’ve felt very alienated the past 13 months. I’m so happy I finally sought out, and found, like-minded people. What a relief to know others feel the same way.

Oh, and the skull and crossbones rock the house.