Homage to the Holiday Newsletter.
Before we get too much farther into the New Year, I’d just like to take a moment to confess that I am a BIG FAN of holiday newsletters–the ones that get such a bad rap from bloggers, my mother, and Miss Manners alike. Dudes! I really LIKE them. I actually LOOK FORWARD to getting them. Sometimes, I even RE-READ them.
What isn’t to like about a newsy, family-drama-filled page or two? Most of these folks I never hear from during the year, and then I get a feast of selfabsorpedloveliness come Christmastime. To me, that’s cool. I WANT to hear about the largest eggplant you’ve ever pulled out of your garden, your kid’s cello concert, and your trip to Key Largo. Why not? What’s wrong with people grabbing for their 15 minutes? Or their 2 1/2 minutes, as the case may be?
Hell, I’d even come to your house and read the newsletters of people I don’t know. I like them that much. I like to see how people tell a story.
That’s why I read blogs, too.
I was not always such a fan. I was not always so enlightened. My mom raised me to mouth the words, “if you can’t take the time to handwrite a note, then you shouldn’t write at all.” And I bought it. And for years I looked with the look of superior disdain at the all the piss-poor examples of computer-generated fluff and rote-recall of months and bragging extemporare.
Yeah. And then I got over it.
Because what’s worse–FAR, FAR WORSE–than the mass mailing of the holiday newsletter is the drive-by holiday card. You know. Where they let Hallmark do the talking for them and then just sign their name underneath. No note. Not even an attempt to write “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Chanukah.” Often not even a “Love,”–nope. Too many to finish. Not enough time for Love, .
So, basically, what was happening with the Disdainers of the Holiday Newsletters is that they were becoming Drive-Byers instead. And so I got nada. Nothing. I learned zilch about their year, zero about what the world’s dished out to them, nothing about them as people in their currenthood of peopleness apart from the card they chose that year to represent them. And– come on!–how much can a chickadee hanging off a snowy branch or a Coca-Cola-sized Santa or a penguin manger scene really say about a person? Okay, yeah. Maybe the penguin manger scene speaks volumes, but what I really want to know is…
where were you on the Fourth of July? What did you think of that election? Did you travel to someplace I’ve been or someplace I’ve always wanted to go? How much hay did you put up (we get a newsletter every year with this as its theme), which river did you raft down, which kid had the chickenpox, graduated from high school, visited you, didn’t visit you, went on a field trip to the science museum, said their first word?
Inquiring minds want to know. I want to know. Really. The alternative is so, so impoverished.
I think the holiday newsletter gets its bad reputation from some overly-refined sense we have that generating the same news in the same format for every single person we mail a card to is somehow inauthentic. That the mass-ness of it all and the techology of it all makes the stories we tell and the well wishes we convey somehow less genuine.
But I don’t think of Andy Warhol as less authentic or genuine an artist than Van Gogh. Their projects were different, of course. But I love both their work. What I don’t love is an empty wall.
When my parents were here visiting last week, I showed my mom the card I had just received from her best friend back at home. (Yes, I exchange Christmas cards with my mother’s best friend. I’ve known her since I was six.) My mom had already received the same card from G.–but without the newsletter inside. My mom’s best friend doesn’t send it to my mom because of the way my mom has denigrated the practice over the years. And guess what? My mom LOVED reading her best friend’s stories from the past year, even though she had heard most of them before. It was a catalogue, an encapsulation, of events and feelings and thoughts.
Was it accurate? No. Certainly not. Stories aren’t accurate. They’re more like housekeeping. An attempt to make order, an attempt to preserve–before the dust of the new year with its new events settles in again. And so what if some people brag like there’s no bragging left in tomorrow? So what if others bore you to tears with their rote declension of month after month after month? That’s their story. And I, for one, vastly prefer it to the empty wall.
We spent 4th of July at a backyard bbq, were THRILLED with the last election, went to Morocco but didn’t manage to put up any hay this year - too dry…. Seriously, I only got one newsletter this year and read it twice. I love them, too. For the Goob and I, this was the first year in many, many years that we didn’t send out homemade holiday cards. I’ve decided to adopt Julia and Paul Child’s tradition of sending out Valentine’s instead. They’ll be much more fun to make.
Comment by: walternatives - 01.05.2007 - 2.53 pm
We used to get the best holiday newsletter from some old family friends of my husband–the whole thing was about their chickens and rooster! Good stuff.
Comment by: Aimee - 01.05.2007 - 4.47 pm
OMG, I so wish I had saved my mom’s friend’s Christmas cards. They aren’t the typed letters that everyone gets. They are hand-written just for my mom. And they are HYSTERICAL. Her kids are older (late teens, twenties) and according to her they are all dating, sleeping with, screwing, and knocking up sluts and/or white trash. And I quote. One of my favorite Christmas traditions is to sit down on Christmas day at my mom’s and go through all her Christmas cards she keeps in her little basket. I go through them one by one and look for letters to read and photos of people’s kids to drool over. The treasure in the mass of holiday cheer? The trashy Christmas card with her fam’s dirty laundry spilled for all to see. It’s a trip. I’m gonna make a phone call to my mom this weekend and check to see if maybe she kept any of these cards over the years. Just for you! I’ll keep ya posted!
Comment by: Jacquie - 01.05.2007 - 5.18 pm
I love these too, but I hadn’t been able to articulate why. Everyone puts them down because they are generic and probably inaccurate, like you say. But I do love them and I started writing one a last year. I did one this year, too, but never sent it partly because my DH doesn’t like them. Now I think I will stand up for the Holiday Letter and maybe I’ll get it out by Valentines! Thanks for your inspiration! Perhaps I’ll begin with my own homage to the holiday newsletter.
Comment by: Maggie - 01.05.2007 - 8.54 pm
Well put, SBird. The empty wall - I’ve never thought of it that way - but I know the feeling. We used to get a whole lot of the lengthy newsletters & this year, I think only two or three. This year we got a LOAD of pictures preprinted with a holiday greeting & no signature or note whatsoever. That is what bummed me out. Yes, the pic was personal, but it still felt drive-by-ish b/c there wasn’t even the weensyiest bit of ink.
Comment by: wzgirl - 01.05.2007 - 9.23 pm
Oh, yes, this sounds familiar. When we would receive the holiday newsletters, my mom would GROAN - oh god. another impersonal “family form letter…” I gew up thinking they were tacky. But now that I’m all grown up, I totally love getting them! Even the ones where one friend in particular ends up sounding like a complete material bitch because she sends postcards of her new house or new car (no people in the shot - just the goods) and only touts her business accomplishments and personal goals. Gag. But in a good way.
I like the correlation between holiday letters and blogs, too…
Comment by: atomic mama - 01.05.2007 - 10.12 pm
I have a friend who’s yearly written (short) paragraph in her Christmas card to me gives radical news about changers in her life:
2005 card - well, I’m not sure if you know, but I got divorced and am living with my new boyfriend.
2006 card - well, I got a new job and moved to a new state.
Ack!
Comment by: Johnny - 01.05.2007 - 11.07 pm
Hi- I’m kinda new to the Alt group & have been trying to make my way through a few blogs. Are you OK with me putting a link to yours on mine? I was reading some of your archives- and I really enjoyed your posts! Isn’t it funny how blogs let someone we don’t know drop into our lives and give them the ability to see what we’re all about in 30 minutes or less!?! I’m not sure how I feel about that!!
Comment by: Carolyn - 01.06.2007 - 6.18 am
I am like you so this year I was disappointed only to get one of those great family newsletters however, we did receive more “sincere” cards than we have in the past. Last year we went all out on a newsletter and sent it to everyone we knew. Even though the hubby was disappointed for not getting any “feedback” we did benefit with more Christmas cards to hang up this year.
The best part is to keep the newsletters we get and re-read them each year. Through the consistent newsletter we have received from a dear friend in recent years it’s been fun to see the changes that they have endured and how their take on specific issues has changed…especially parenthood.
Comment by: Tundrachica - 01.06.2007 - 9.02 am
I love Christmas newsletters, and I send out a Christmas newsletter. Back in 2001 after Sept 11, I found it hard to write one, and felt that it was not really important what our family had done that year when so many had lost so much. So I didn’t send one out, and for months after I got comments from friends saying they were so disappointed when they opened our card and there was no letter. So I have continued on with writing our year in review at Christmas. I am selective to who I include a letter to, as I have those same people in my life that have made me feel guilty about this pleasure….so no letter to them. It may be mass produced, but produced with love none the less.
I am always so disappointed when it is just a card….no picture, or a card and no letter. These are people that we don’t see or talk to often, and but still would love to know what has gone on in their world. So thank you for saying so eloquently(as usual) it was exactly what I had always thought about these letters, but would never have been able to express it so well.
Comment by: avery's mom - 01.06.2007 - 10.36 am
Hail to the Holiday Letter! I love them, too. I never really understood why people think that just signing your name to a card is more personal. My husband and I do our own homemade version of a “holiday letter”. First of all, it is a NY card and it tends to be more of a photo story with some captions, etc. to explain our year in review. We have a lot of family and friends that live far away and this is the best way for us to keep in touch with everyone. We haven’t sent one out in the last two years - but I am back on the wagon this year.
Honestly, I believe the people that think you should handwrite to each an every person on your list are KIDDING THEMSELVES. They are not doing this. If they were, we would have received a card from a lot more people.
joelle
on the slow boat
Comment by: joelle - 01.07.2007 - 9.26 am
I sent out a holiday newsletter this year and blasted myself for doing so IN the holiday newsletter. I always made fun of them, but just like atomic mama, as I’ve gotten older I really enjoy them. Sadly, I didn’t get any this year, so I just had to re-read my own instead - which is when I finally noticed all the poor grammar and punctuation.
Comment by: Jessi - 01.08.2007 - 8.38 am
I completely agree. I hate getting cards from people (people who in the past have spent a lot of quality time with me) that say Merry Christmas, The Smiths. Hey! I held your hair back while you puked all night in college! I held your hand and made you my special tea elixer when you were so sad about the loss of your last hair-bag boyfriend! Hey! I even wore that ugly-ass dress at your completely overblown wedding…..I deserve a little more than “The Smiths.” Even if its not hand written.
Comment by: christie - 01.08.2007 - 3.00 pm
I like sending one because it gets all the dirt out. Screw the world if they dont like it.
Comment by: Nicole - 01.11.2007 - 2.33 pm