The Art of the Singular.
I have been trying to teach The Bee the concept of one-at-a-time. She has some hoarding tendencies–not too severe, no pocketing or stashing of items or food until later; no hiding of toys or food. But she will stuff 20 goldfish crackers (no kidding!) in her mouth at once. Or six pieces of apple. Or four pieces of watermelon. No small feat. But then she can’t chew, of course. And she looks at me, dumbfounded.
This is happening because Mommy has given her a snack in its own little bowl, on its own little coffee table, for her own little fingers to manipulate. And her fingers decide they need ALL OF IT right now. So, we have been working on what it means to choose one piece, one at a time, for insertion in the mouth. And to slow down, in general, because there’s always more. Or–usually–always more. Temporal moderation.
I have found the same is true for my days, these days. I can do no more than one thing per day. And that’s okay. It’s just not my normal m.o. I am used to setting aside a large stretch of time and getting a project done, from start to finish. Dog-with-a-bone done. Now I find I’m satisfied with the undone, the partial, the piecemeal, the synecdoches of my days. If I can unload the pictures from my photocards onto my computer today, then tomorrow I can edit them, and the next day I can ogle them, and the day after that maybe I can print a few out. Or email them to Grandma. One or the other, surely.
Sunday I dared to look at my Bloglines for the first time since mid-April. More than 250 posts. I skimmed. I apologize to those of you whose lives passed me by…I tried to get the basics down. Yesterday, when Bloglines was clear again, I started to comment on new posts. Today, I cleaned up my blog links a little bit. Temporal moderation.
Tomorrow, we go to see The Bee’s cleft surgeon. Should be an interesting meeting. The Bee hates hands in her mouth. Not sure how that’s going to work. She’s had three blood draws in the past week or so for about 30 separate tests, and all of them have come back normal. Relief is sweet.
She had her first taste of macaroni and cheese last night at a church shindig, and–on the way home–we pulled off the road twice so that I could show her the first amazing Arizona sunset she’s ever seen. Firsts are good. They keep one young. Namely, me.
Her new toy farm:
One of the weirdest faces I’ve ever seen The Bee do:
Signing “flower” in her new wading pool:
Kisses!
Signing “tired”:
Lest you think she doesn’t ever get totally pissed off at her Mommy. Heh:
Love the Bee’s expressions!
Comment by: Donna - 06.12.2007 - 5.14 pm
Oh, I’ll Bee looking at these photos again and again - what a long cool drink that sweet child is! New Toy Farm is my fave - schrunched shoulders and the pooches in the background. “Relief is sweet” - we’ll look forward to hearing that again after tomorrow. And one last thing? The word synecdoches? Your vocabulary amazes me. Thank you thank you for the update.
Comment by: walternatives - 06.12.2007 - 5.29 pm
Yep, I’m finding the same thing with my days. I’m having a heck of a time just keeping my house clean.
Love you girl. And love that t-shirt.
Comment by: Jacquie - 06.12.2007 - 6.24 pm
Meant to say “your” girl. God, typos all over the place today.
Comment by: Jacquie - 06.12.2007 - 6.24 pm
Nice to hear things are going well.
Comment by: J - 06.12.2007 - 6.52 pm
I love your posts! Good luck with the doctors appointment. Keep us posted.
Comment by: M - 06.12.2007 - 6.53 pm
Hah! New motherhood changes your life radically! Absolutely fantastic pics of the Bee. That look that you call “weird”? The Dotter does that when she’s done something “oops!”-ish. And the kisses are divine. Thanks for updating!
Comment by: OmegaMom - 06.12.2007 - 6.53 pm
Adorable! I love her little face!
Comment by: christie - 06.12.2007 - 7.44 pm
At first I was excited at seeing you in my comments section this eve! Nice. THEN, a post with many Bee pictures to fill my heart with joy. Many! And, I do love the weird face. I adore it. And, the fact that she knows the sign for flower. Good girl. To top it off? The adorable scowl at Mother Bird…the one that makes her look that much more “at home” - comfortable with her scowly-ness. So wonderful.
I have actually been thinking of you more than you’d realize. I’ve got a couple wee gifts to send - one inspired by the 100 Hundred Demons! I’ve been savoring that book, reading it comic by comic - I don’t want it to end. I’m thinking of looking for an inkstone next time I’m in Chinatown. That and a jade bracelet. I think that I need one *before* I get to China.
Good luck tomorrow. I will so be thinking of you guys.
Comment by: wzgirl - 06.12.2007 - 7.49 pm
E. would shove an entire watermelon in her mouth if she could. I’m guessing she’d eat the rind too, if I let her. That’s how much she loves watermelon.
Good luck tomorrow. If I remember correctly, I.’s surgeon didn’t touch her mouth at all. He just had me lay her down on my lap so her head was on my knees and he looked in. Crying was good because he could see better that way.
Oh how I love those photos.
Comment by: jse - 06.12.2007 - 9.33 pm
Stay young. Oh, yes, stay young.
What declicious photos and news!
Comment by: atomic mama - 06.12.2007 - 10.12 pm
I love these pics…the “weird” one is what Sofie does when she is grossed out or slightly afraid of something.
And, I was the person that had to have projects done from start to finish…all in one sitting usually. Giving that up has been one of the hardest things about motherhood for me. Though I am not at all surprised that you are accepting it with much more grace than I did!
Take care.
Comment by: Amanda - 06.13.2007 - 7.56 am
Love the “weird” look. “If I do it, I’m gonna get a whippin’. I do it!”
Oh, and clearly, the farm toy is a hit. Too cute. Good luck at the doctor’s office…
Comment by: Project Ni Hao - 06.13.2007 - 8.20 am
She is scrumptious.
Comment by: Brooklyn Mama - 06.13.2007 - 6.06 pm
She signs as much with her face as with her hands. I love it. Good luck at the doctor.
Comment by: Nicole - 06.14.2007 - 6.33 am
Oh my goodness - that child just makes my heart ache. She is so amazingly cute!
It’s good that you’re a poet. I’ve found that snatches of language - a phrase, a line or two - can be written down and stitched together later. Becoming a mother made me appreciate quilting as an art form and a metaphor. Most mothers I know who are artists have learned to do things over time, in small pieces. And surrendering to this idea - that it was all about pieces from now on - was one of the best things I ever did. It allowed to me to work when I could - but also appreciate every moment with my new baby without resenting the time he was taking from my work. And I think it made my work stronger in the end.
Comment by: Maia - 06.14.2007 - 5.59 pm
What a sweetie-pea! I’m so sorry that she can’t get her surgery before September (viz the next post) - but no need to worry about her ability to love. Lucky mom, you…
Oh, and doing things when-you-can-and-just-barely? Your next 18 years of life, as far as I can tell…welcome to kidworld, where you’re on duty every time, all the time.
Comment by: FDChief - 06.16.2007 - 8.10 pm