Comments on: Friends. http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/ tweet, tweet Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:50:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.4 by: Mrs Pushy http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-11543 Mon, 29 Oct 2007 17:37:45 +0000 http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-11543 I agree with Anne Marie- I also could have written this post. Funny how bringing a child into your life makes you so reflective on the relationships that you've had in your past, but mostly how those same relationships are going to impact your future. Or not impact it. I can only hope that I, myself, am being a good friend to those that I care about so much. I agree with Anne Marie- I also could have written this post. Funny how bringing a child into your life makes you so reflective on the relationships that you’ve had in your past, but mostly how those same relationships are going to impact your future. Or not impact it. I can only hope that I, myself, am being a good friend to those that I care about so much.

]]> by: Anne Marie http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10218 Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:36:33 +0000 http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10218 I could have written almost the exact same post. And from the looks of the comments so could a lot of us! I guess that is part of the trade off when we as a world no longer live our lives within a few miles from where we group up. I am truly grateful for the friends with whom I can pick up where we left off. I could have written almost the exact same post. And from the looks of the comments so could a lot of us! I guess that is part of the trade off when we as a world no longer live our lives within a few miles from where we group up. I am truly grateful for the friends with whom I can pick up where we left off.

]]> by: lisa http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10124 Tue, 16 Oct 2007 05:28:56 +0000 http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10124 I've been thinking about this a lot lately, too. I do get frustrated because of what my expectation of friendship should be. I got married when I was an undergraduate (sigh) which cut off a lot of college friendships. I got divorced in grad school, and I lost the friends, and then I left behind a lot of fabulous friends when I moved here 2 1/2 years ago-yet many of them visit, they send spontaneous emails about missing me, etc. When I moved here, though I tried to avoid it, my friendships centered around my job. Lots of great friends but, when the job didn't work out, they started evaporating-not in a bad way necessarily, but their whole social life revolved around work I wasn't involved in anymore. And I did feel a little abandoned. But, what I have been noticing the last few months, is friendships that sort of crept up on me, like a woman in my knitting circle and all of the friends in the dancing community who complained last weekend about how they want me to come out and play more often. And then I got an email out of the blue last week from a cyber friend of 4 years, whom I rarely talk to anymore just because she is busy with her baby, worried that I got my referral and forgot to tell her. I was so touched So, I'm starting to think, you develop circumstantial friends around your interests, and some of them go deeper and some don't, and there's no guessing. Which is where the expectations part comes in I suppose... ~lmc I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, too. I do get frustrated because of what my expectation of friendship should be. I got married when I was an undergraduate (sigh) which cut off a lot of college friendships. I got divorced in grad school, and I lost the friends, and then I left behind a lot of fabulous friends when I moved here 2 1/2 years ago-yet many of them visit, they send spontaneous emails about missing me, etc.
When I moved here, though I tried to avoid it, my friendships centered around my job. Lots of great friends but, when the job didn’t work out, they started evaporating-not in a bad way necessarily, but their whole social life revolved around work I wasn’t involved in anymore. And I did feel a little abandoned.
But, what I have been noticing the last few months, is friendships that sort of crept up on me, like a woman in my knitting circle and all of the friends in the dancing community who complained last weekend about how they want me to come out and play more often.
And then I got an email out of the blue last week from a cyber friend of 4 years, whom I rarely talk to anymore just because she is busy with her baby, worried that I got my referral and forgot to tell her. I was so touched
So, I’m starting to think, you develop circumstantial friends around your interests, and some of them go deeper and some don’t, and there’s no guessing. Which is where the expectations part comes in I suppose… ~lmc

]]> by: holly http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10098 Tue, 16 Oct 2007 03:12:42 +0000 http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10098 Wonderful post - with much food for thought. Friendships always have held a certain amount of mystery for me. My best girlfriend and I have known one another for 30 years now. We can not talk for a long time, then pick up where we left off. It's always been like that for us. Even when we lived just miles apart - and now states apart. I think people have expectations of what a friendship is, and when the other person doesn't live up to that, you go separate ways. I think friendship WITHOUT expectations is probably a much more realistic approach. Wonderful post - with much food for thought. Friendships always have held a certain amount of mystery for me.
My best girlfriend and I have known one another for 30 years now. We can not talk for a long time, then pick up where we left off. It’s always been like that for us. Even when we lived just miles apart - and now states apart.
I think people have expectations of what a friendship is, and when the other person doesn’t live up to that, you go separate ways. I think friendship WITHOUT expectations is probably a much more realistic approach.

]]> by: lisa http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10091 Tue, 16 Oct 2007 01:57:31 +0000 http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10091 I know exactly what you mean about the ebb and flow of friendships. I finally realized a few years ago that this is exactly what they can, and for me, should do. My best friend, we've been friends for more than 25 years, through thick and thin like the toughest of marriages. When Sophia died I could not handle talking to anyone, including her. we shut out everyone and anyone and for some reason it was too raw to talk to her about, perhaps the rawness is exactly the point. When I was ready, she was there. She drove or flew up every other weekend for nearly 2 months. For every date, her due date, just crappy days... she sorted through the box from the hospital and in an instance I forgave her for 'not being there for me', though it was of course me who cause that, and she forgave me in an instant for not allowing her to be there. In the end, she was the ONE person who did it all for us during those months. We ebbed and flowed together and I hope one day to do the same for her. Thanks for the post. I know exactly what you mean about the ebb and flow of friendships. I finally realized a few years ago that this is exactly what they can, and for me, should do.

My best friend, we’ve been friends for more than 25 years, through thick and thin like the toughest of marriages.

When Sophia died I could not handle talking to anyone, including her. we shut out everyone and anyone and for some reason it was too raw to talk to her about, perhaps the rawness is exactly the point.

When I was ready, she was there. She drove or flew up every other weekend for nearly 2 months. For every date, her due date, just crappy days… she sorted through the box from the hospital and in an instance I forgave her for ‘not being there for me’, though it was of course me who cause that, and she forgave me in an instant for not allowing her to be there.

In the end, she was the ONE person who did it all for us during those months. We ebbed and flowed together and I hope one day to do the same for her.

Thanks for the post.

]]> by: walternatives http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10090 Mon, 15 Oct 2007 23:33:02 +0000 http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10090 I'm very grateful to be your friend, SBird. `Nuff said. I’m very grateful to be your friend, SBird. `Nuff said.

]]> by: FDChief http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10089 Mon, 15 Oct 2007 23:23:01 +0000 http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10089 Like Nicole, I have always seemed to make friends and then leave them behind. Especially sad for me is that I had a group of friends from college that stayed together for a long time - over ten years - until our move to the West Coast. Slowly the group unraveled and finally I stopped talking to and hearing from my oldest friend in that group about ten years ago... One difficulty seems to be in finding people who enjoy doing things with us AND have similar/compatible personalities. It seems like the people we find that enjoy doing the things we do don't get along with us that well, and the people we like to just spend time with don't enjoy doing the things we do. Plus - and this is the thing you tell yourself won't happen but always seems to - the kidlets are an axe that cut you off from your childless friends. We have several pals we just don't see because it's so hard to pay attention to them AND the offspring at the same time. Like Nicole, I have always seemed to make friends and then leave them behind. Especially sad for me is that I had a group of friends from college that stayed together for a long time - over ten years - until our move to the West Coast. Slowly the group unraveled and finally I stopped talking to and hearing from my oldest friend in that group about ten years ago…

One difficulty seems to be in finding people who enjoy doing things with us AND have similar/compatible personalities. It seems like the people we find that enjoy doing the things we do don’t get along with us that well, and the people we like to just spend time with don’t enjoy doing the things we do. Plus - and this is the thing you tell yourself won’t happen but always seems to - the kidlets are an axe that cut you off from your childless friends. We have several pals we just don’t see because it’s so hard to pay attention to them AND the offspring at the same time.

]]> by: Maia http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10083 Mon, 15 Oct 2007 21:24:49 +0000 http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10083 I've been thinking a lot about friendships lately, too. And I think you're right in thinking that most enduring ones can sort waft and weave over time. There are certain people in my life (and some of my siblings are included in this) that I know I can just pick up wherever we last left off - even if it has been actual years since we've talked or seen each other. I have close friends here, IRL, some of whom I see at least a couple of times a week, and those are great in their own way. But there can be something kind of delicious about those friends from afar - the ones that we communicate with in a different way than the every day chatter. There can be a certain depth to a friendship when you have to choose your words because your words are somewhat limited. Plus I am a haphazard housekeeper and part time hermit - so the idea of anyone just dropping in to my house at any given time gives me the willies. I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships lately, too. And I think you’re right in thinking that most enduring ones can sort waft and weave over time. There are certain people in my life (and some of my siblings are included in this) that I know I can just pick up wherever we last left off - even if it has been actual years since we’ve talked or seen each other. I have close friends here, IRL, some of whom I see at least a couple of times a week, and those are great in their own way. But there can be something kind of delicious about those friends from afar - the ones that we communicate with in a different way than the every day chatter. There can be a certain depth to a friendship when you have to choose your words because your words are somewhat limited.

Plus I am a haphazard housekeeper and part time hermit - so the idea of anyone just dropping in to my house at any given time gives me the willies.

]]> by: Nicole http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10080 Mon, 15 Oct 2007 20:50:35 +0000 http://thesingingbirdblog.com/2007/10/15/friends/#comment-10080 I hate that every place I have lived, I have made a good friend and then left them as I moved to another place. I feel like I collect friends I cannot see daily. It is very hard, but probably the typical life of an academic. My two closest friends are in Chicago and Los Angeles. Maybe another time I will live closer to them. I hate that every place I have lived, I have made a good friend and then left them as I moved to another place. I feel like I collect friends I cannot see daily. It is very hard, but probably the typical life of an academic. My two closest friends are in Chicago and Los Angeles. Maybe another time I will live closer to them.

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